10 Qualities of A Desirable Man

What makes a man attractive? James Michael Sama complies a list of the top 10 hottest things a guy can do.

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Photo by Andrei Damian on Unsplash

By James Michael Sama

In a society flooded with articles, social media updates, dating advice magazines, and hardly ever enough mental down-time to slow down and reset — we are left overloaded on information about “what to do,” but hardly enough insight on who to be.

Especially as men, all of the “advice” out there is how to talk to women, how to approach them, how to treat them — and you will find many of those articles on this website, as well. But regardless of what you do or what you say, the thing that will speak the loudest for the longest is who you are.

So when our goal is to become a man who women want to be around without persuasion, how do we approach it?

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A desirable man is well-spoken.

One of the qualities I have worked the hardest to develop in myself is the ability to speak effectively. To be able to convey emotions, intentions, thoughts and ideas clearly and concisely will provide infinite benefits to your life.

Not only will you be less likely to be misunderstood, but people will actually enjoy conversing with you. Additionally, in matters of dating and relationships, there are few things more helpful than an extensive vocabulary. If you don’t think women respond positively to how things are worded, then you’ve never heard of “50 Shades Of Grey.”

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A desirable man pays attention.

Perhaps even more important than how well you speak, is how well you listen. Many men carry the misconception that listening is a passive action and requires no effort. You just sit there while the other person talks.

What women understand, is that listening is more active than we realize. It requires effort to actually absorb what is being said, remember it, and then discuss it later. Whether we are speaking of personal or professional relationships, developing your ability to effectively listen will make you more desirable to be around.

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A desirable man has goals and ambitions.

Mature women understand that they should never plan a future with a man who has no future plans for himself. A man who knows what he wants out of life and has the ambition to go after it, will forever be more attractive than he who is passively content in mediocrity.

Never allow yourself to be average — it’s just as close to the bottom as it is to the top.

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A desirable man is kind towards everyone.

Often times when we discuss chivalry and romance, it is understood that we are speaking of men acting a certain way towards women. While this is inherent in the definition, it is to be noted that how a man treats everyone else around him holds equal importance.

No woman will want to be with a man who is kind to her when the circumstances call for it, but is rude or mean to others around him, people who he meets in public, and certainly not to children or animals.

A desirable man will be kind to others because of who he is, not because of who they are.

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A desirable man has compassion.

To have compassion is to be able to tie your emotions to those of others. To feel sorrow when they do. To lend them your strength to overcome pain. To connect yourself to another human being on a deeper level.

The willingness and ability to open yourself to this is a quality of a desirable man because it shows you will provide comfort in difficult times, which we all face. A relationship is not always sunshine and rainbows. The road of life is a windy one, and a woman needs to be confident that you can navigate it.

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A desirable man is comfortable in multiple roles.

By “roles” in this context, I mean being a driver and a passenger in a relationship. A man who is secure in himself will have no problem sharing the spotlight or authority with the woman in his life. In fact, he will welcome her insight and the value she brings to each unique scenario.

He will not always have to be in charge or make every decision.

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A desirable man has a strong identity.

This is a man who knows who he is and what he stands for. His opinions and viewpoints, while flexible, do not blow with the winds. If he has a strong opinion about what is right, he will defend it regardless of whether or not he is standing alone.

His “brand,” so to speak, is well defined and it is one he has decided for himself and consistently works to improve.

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A desirable man is flexible and open-minded.

No, this does not contradict the previous point. No man should be so steadfast in his feelings that he is closed off to them ever changing. The world progresses, society evolves, and new information is discovered and presented.

Nobody wants to be in an analog relationship during a digital age. It is especially important in a relationship that both partners grow and progress together. A man who is unable to do this will remain stagnant and be left behind by an ambitious woman.

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A desirable man presents himself well.

Yes, looks matter. But because everyone has different tastes and styles, fitting into a “fashion box” is not important — what’s important is being good at whatever it is you decide to do. Portraying a positive image, remaining well-groomed, and consistent with your personality.

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A desirable man is comfortable in all situations.

Women understand that relationships take us all places in life. They bring us around all different scenarios, types of people, and locations. It takes a toll on a relationship if there is a constant worry about your significant others’ ability to navigate these situations and be a chameleon.

A desirable man will hone and develop his conversational abilities and stay well-read on world events, popular culture, and other topics that will give him the varied knowledge to be let loose at his girlfriend’s company’s holiday party and not flop around like a fish out of water.

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As a man, is it easy to develop all of these characteristics? No, of course not. Am I saying that I, myself, have perfected them all? Definitely not. But, I believe the important part is to understand how vital they are to becoming a man who will attract the woman that he wants to be with.

In the long run, it will not be what you say to her or what you do for her that will make her love you. It will be the man you have worked to become.

This article originally appeared on James Michael Sama’s Blog and was republished on The Good Men Project.

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