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Interact, Don’t Transact With Your Spouse!
Too often couples are advised to create a transactional form of marriage — “you satisfy my need, I satisfy yours.”
Interact, Don’t Transact With Your Spouse!
If you want a marriage that supports you and your spouse as individuals while also enhancing your relationship, you need to know the difference between a transactional marriage and a marriage that is based on interacting with one another.
Marriage as a Business
Too often couples are advised to create a transactional form of marriage — “You satisfy my need, I satisfy yours.” The notion of transaction comes from the business world where people do things for each other with the expectation of reciprocation. For example, in marriage, a husband “helps” out with vacuuming the house and his wife “helps” out by taking out the trash. John Gottman, the well-known marriage expert, argues that this kind of unwritten agreement leads to partners keeping a mental running tally of who has done what for whom.[1] This kind of unspoken contract fosters anger and resentment. Happy marriages are not about 50/50 transactions.
