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My Daughter Won’t Be Signing any Purity Pledge
Please feel free to inform the sex authorities of my failures as a parent.
At the beginning of this, let me say that I feel pretty bad for my thirteen-year-old’s health teacher. I understand that he doesn’t have a whole lot of choice of a certain curriculum. In this case, an abstinence-only sex-ed program mandated by my backward ass state. However, when your daughter is given a “purity pledge”, well, there are going to be some words.
The “pledge” itself sits hidden in a little booklet that hopes to define the sexual progression of a person. There is, of course, hand-holding, which is very sexual so I should watch that while walking my kid across the street. Then there is hugging, the devil’s sin, which will naturally lead to “other stuff.”
I can only assume that this “other stuff” includes doing naked cartwheels on the Sabbath.
The pledge is written like a contract, so as not to further confuse our daughters. It requires a signature and a date, and then three witnesses so that the person signing can be held accountable. This is important for if she should ever break the pledge, by hugging or kissing, she will be immediately arrested by the sex police. Apparently, my state finds it important to…
