New Person, New Rules!

You are not going on a date with your ex — so why would you expect the same experience?

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By Something in Common

Assumption– a thing that is accepted as true or as certain to happen, without proof.

We are all a work in progress, so it’s a good idea to approach every new date with a fresh outlook. We have all heard what happens when we ASS-U-ME!

You are not going on a date with your ex — so why would you expect the same experience?

It is human nature to experience life through our personal history. But, some assumptions block us from being open to new possibilities. As we grow in our awareness about ourselves and what we want in relationships, it is critical to shed old assumptions that no longer serve us or align with our new values and/or goals.

I had an ex who was a bit of a curmudgeon, there were so many things he refused to do: stand in line, wait for a table, dance, the list goes on and on. When that relationship ended and I began dating, I would thank my dates profusely for the simplest common courtesy behaviors. One day, a great man I was seeing sat me down and asked me to stop.

He said, “this is normal, this is how people are supposed to treat each other, just say thank you”.

My past experiences and pain had created an assumption in my mind (that men were not going to do the not so fun part of life with me). Lucky for me, someone saw my pain and helped me see that I was deserving of love and kindness. Now I know that if a guy respects and likes me, he will stand in a long line to get the cookie I love, he will attend the boring party and all I need to say is “thank you” and be willing to return the favor.

Depending on your life experiences and the pain you endured, assumptions can be debilitating. Not everyone will treat you like the last person did or the one before that.

Not trying because you assume the same thing will happen again is not living life.

Tip: Ask yourself, “ Just because that happened before, what makes me think it is going to happen again?”

Warning: If you answer that question with a limiting belief like:

“I am not doing that, I tried before and failed.”; “Those kind of guys/girls don’t like me.” “All men/women are cheaters!” “Online dating doesn’t work for people my age.” “No one wants to date someone with little kids.”

Or any other sweeping generalization or stereotype you have convinced yourself is true; you might want to hire a dating coach, just sayin’.

This story was originally published on Something in Common and republished on The Good Men Project.

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