She Rejected Me, So Why Is She Still Flirting With Me?

A dear friend who rejected me not too long ago is being uncomfortably touchy-feely and bringing up how I moved on real fast now that I have a girlfriend.

The Good Men Project

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Photo credit: iStock

By Harris O’Malley

Hi Dr.

I read your column once in a while and never thought I’d have to be here. But lo’ and behold, here we are.

To get to the point. A dear friend who rejected me not too long ago is being uncomfortably touchy-feely and bringing up how I moved on real fast now that I have a girlfriend.

For context, I met this friend — Hera — a long time ago, but we started to seriously hang out when a mutual buddy of ours organized a weekly Vampire: The Masquerade TTRPG session and invited us as players. From there on we hit it off great as friends and we started hanging out outside of our weekly sessions. The amusement park, playing games together, etc. All great things that we did as friends.

Flash forward to three months ago, and I notice that I’m beginning to develop feelings. Now I know myself and I know that if I don’t address emotions when they are just buds, the ensuing garden will be painful as heck to trim if anything goes wrong. So I tell Hera exactly that, that I am starting to develop feelings for her. She tells me politely but in no uncertain terms that she does not feel the same and that we should reduce our hangouts outside our weekly sessions for a while. I’ve no issue with waiting until if and when she feels comfortable with hanging out off-table again so I respect that. And luckily our dynamic while playing Vampire wasn’t affected by this.

A month passes and I’ve completely moved on. I meet Freya at this time. Freya had been going to the same gym I go to for a decent amount of time. We’d never talked but that day she asked for general exercise advise, and we talked about that for a bit. We went for some coffee afterwards and really clicked together. Freya and I share our hobby of reading, she is a musician and, even though I don’t work in the field, I am a trained vocalist. So since we share that in common, we often go on deep dives on the topic and have jam sessions.

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