Single? You Missed the Woman in the Corner

If you want to play chase a like a cat and mouse go ahead–I have no judgment. If you are ready for a steady alternative, let me clue you in on a few secrets.

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By Dr. Romie Mushtaq

Single? Are you wondering how to make contact with an emotionally available woman beyond swiping right or swiping left?

In my professional and personal life, I meet single men who are Millennials, single dads, dating after divorce, and widows. One question appears universal, “where are all the decent single women?”

You didn’t notice her; she is the woman in the corner. How do I know this? My whole life I have been one of the women in the corner. Unlike Baby in Dirty Dancing, no one put me here. Some of us corner women who understand the Dirty Dancing reference wonder if a man with the swagger of Patrick Swayze will extend his hand out to us to say hello.

Who is the woman in the corner? Look around next time you go to the bar, a networking event, your workplace cafeteria, restaurant, or local coffee shop. She’s hanging out focused on what brings her joy- reading a book, sipping on a cup of tea, or laughing with her friends. She may be quirky, tell corny jokes, or not have mastered the art of flirting. Beneath all of these endearing traits, she has a heart of gold.

Initially, the woman many men are drawn to is the “attention-grabber.” An attention-grabber is the female on one mission. She wants to get noticed not only by you but also by every man and woman in the room. She is likely dressed provocatively, talking loudly, and every straight man turns their head in appreciation. Now the hunt is on. Who is the lucky man to get the attention-grabber to notice him first? Whose phone number will she accept? Will you come in second place as the backburner man?

We women in the corner just smile with knowing, watching the game unfold in front of us. We don’t engage in similar behavior, and it does not have to do with a lack of confidence. In fact, we likely share a deeper level of self-worth, dignity, and grace. You just didn’t stop to notice.

If you want to play chase like a cat and mouse go ahead–I have no judgment. If you are ready for a steady alternative, let me clue you in on a few secrets about us women in the corner.

♦◊♦

1. Women in the corner do not lack confidence.

Contrary to popular belief, just because we are quiet, it does not mean we lack confidence. Just because we didn’t sashay into the room like a member of Beyonce’s Superbowl squad, it doesn’t mean we don’t feel sexy. In fact, most of us corner women are secure in our intelligence, talents, sexuality, and the gifts we have to offer a man in a relationship. We are clear about what we are looking for in a relationship, and are not into playing games.

2. Don’t mistake modesty for lack of a sex drive.

I think of myself and my friends who are “corner women.” We are professional women, pillars of our communities, and women who are often in the public eye. We are not likely to send half-naked selfies to men we barely know. We are not going to make a sexy or drunk spectacle in public for the world to watch on YouTube later. This does not mean that we are shut down sexually or have a low sex drive. In fact, we understand that seduction is an art and likely have a surprise waiting for you–if you make it that far.

3. Your mother, sister, or married female friends want you to date or marry this woman.

You are sitting here thinking, “okay Dr. Romie, I want to meet a corner woman, but all the good ones are already taken.” Reassess the women that have been presented to you. Did you ignore the suggestions of your mom, sister, married co-worker, or hairdresser? We, women, notice other corner women, respect them and want the men we love to find happiness. Make a list of three-five non-negotiables, and then approach the women you trust. Allow them the opportunity to introduce you to women in their circles.

4. Corner women quickly get put in the “friend zone.”

As a “friend,” she gave you her shoulder to lean on while you spilled all your darkest secrets, dating dilemmas, and life dreams to this woman. She knows your kid’s favorite ice cream flavor and reminds you that it is your mother’s Birthday. Sound familiar?

Don’t give me the excuse that you are scared to start a relationship and ruin the friendship. Fear cannot lead to love. Fear leads to loneliness. Replace that fear with faith, and ask your friend out on a date. Chances are, if you ask her out on a date, you will get to meet a whole other side of this woman that you never knew existed.

5. Her kindness is not a sign of weakness.

Kindness is not a sign of weakness, but a sign of strength. In a world that is often cold and divisive, she brings compassion into the room and to the people she loves. A corner woman is often labeled as the “nice girl”, “sweetheart”, or a female with a “heart of gold.” This is the woman who will visit sick friends in the hospital or help a neighbor in need. Make her your woman, and you will have a fiercely loyal companion who will make your dreams her own.

♦◊♦

In honor of all the other single women in the corner, I invite you over to say hello. May love be just around the corner for you, and maybe even with the woman of your dreams sitting in the corner.

This story was previously published on The Good Men Project.

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