‘The Man They Wanted Me To Be’: GMP Sits Down with Jared Yates Sexton To Talk About His Book and Toxic Masculinity

‘The story of toxic masculinity is the story of what’s going on in this country right now.’ Jared Yates Sexton masterfully connects of the dots of toxic masculinity. We need but open up our eyes (and read his book!) to see it.

The Good Men Project
Equality Includes You
11 min readMay 24, 2020

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Photo credit: Author (Photo by Danielle Debien)

By Michael Kasdan

Our culture is awash in toxic masculinity.

From the TV shows and movies we watch, to our politics, to the way we speak to each other in locker rooms, bedrooms, and corporate boardrooms, to the way we raise our children, we perform and reinforce the performance of a rigid, narrow definition of masculine expression that emphasizes physical strength over emotional intelligence, dominance over collaboration, and a fear of vulnerability.

Like the fish in David Foster Wallace’s famous This Is Water‘ parable, we are absolutely surrounded by and swimming in it, and yet at the same time we are completely unaware of it. And, as Jared Yates Sexton, demonstrates in his second book, ‘The Man They Wanted Me To Be,’ that explains so much.

Reviewers across the country, from Henry Rollins to the Chicago Post-Tribune’s Jerry Davich to NPR’s Nicholas Cannariato, have universally praised Sexton’s part-memoir, part research-based socio-cultural analysis as a key guidebook to examining our ‘toxic masculinity.’ It is a study of its historical and cultural roots, its wide-ranging impact on a panoply of issues, and how to change our culture and ourselves for the better.

‘The Man They Wanted Me To Be’ is — in equal parts — both sobering and hopeful. In the author’s own words:

“This one was hard to write. It details a lot of the abuse I lived through growing up, as well as the pain of my losing my father and watching the country go mad with toxic masculinity. It gets into the rise of Donald Trump, a blatantly insecure misogynist who continually has to puff up his own flagging ego, as well as extremist groups that recruit and radicalize young men, sometimes inspiring them to commit mass shootings. It’s about how

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The Good Men Project
Equality Includes You

We're having a conversation about the changing roles of men in the 21st century. Main site is https://goodmenproject.com Email us info@goodmenproject.com