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The Real Reason Nice Guys Finish Last

You’re gonna have to do more than be nice to get the woman.

The Good Men Project
4 min readJan 18, 2020
Photo credit: Dan Queiroz/flickr/photo

By James Michael Sama

You’ll notice a trend in my articles that speak about men being kind, respectful, and loving — particularly towards women. I don’t often use the word ‘nice.’ When I talk about ‘good men’ finishing first, that is a very different message than ‘nice guys’ finishing first. Why? Because it’s true what they say, nice guys do finish last.

But, how can I say that when everything I talk about seems to be in the direction of being nice?

To make sense of this, we first need to define what we mean when we say nice guy. I used to be a nice guy, and I used to always finish last when it came to women. I wouldn’t get the date, I wouldn’t bring someone to the dance, and I was always the best friend. But I couldn’t understand it because I was such a nice guy!

That was, and is, exactly the problem. When we say someone is a nice guy, or that we ourselves are a nice guy, what is it that we are really saying? What we are saying is that he is a people-pleaser. He is flexible, probably to a fault. He is a chameleon and can usually adopt the qualities of the people around him in order to fit in.

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The Good Men Project
The Good Men Project

Written by The Good Men Project

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