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True Love Never Runs Smooth, but why Would You Want It To?
How to turn hurts and misunderstandings into ways that make your relationship stronger.
When something goes wrong in a relationship — there is pain. One person upset for some reason, that causes pain, and pain leads to anger and/or disappointment. A result of that process is a kind of ‘shutting down’. A chasm has opened up between you and your partner.
This is when bridge-building skills are needed.
While it might seem a paradox, feeling hurt or misunderstood can actually bring you closer to your partner when you accept their hurt reactions. Their reaction probably has roots in something significant for them. Acknowledge this. You can encourage them to reflect on this (while you also reflect on what you brought to the situation.) Ask them to share their feelings from a place of real caring, a place without ‘judging’ or trying to problem-solve everything that comes up for your partner. This won’t easy to do if the feelings of your partner involve deeply buried painful experiences, but it’s worth your effort.
The result can be identifying and beginning to move on from some distorted ideas and fears. Maybe your partner has fear about…
