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What No One Teaches Us About Love
Most of us, if we are really honest with ourselves, have some idea of how we keep deeper love at bay.
Fear of intimacy isn’t a character flaw rendering us unfit for intimacy; it is part of being human. If we’re breathing, we have fear of intimacy. The real question is: How do we keep love at arm’s length, and what can we do to change that? Addressing this two-part question is perhaps the most direct path to greater happiness.
Here are two steps to help you do exactly that.
The Harvard Grant Study provides an extraordinary vantage point from which to explore these questions. This study is one of the most comprehensive longitudinal studies of human development ever undertaken. Although limited in its participant pool (all of its subjects are male Harvard graduates) it’s findings are stunning in their clarity and simplicity. George Vaillant, director of the study, sums up the results of 75 years of research in two sentences: “Happiness is love. Full stop.”
The findings of The Grant Study continue to guide us on our journey. The study describes the personality characteristic which is most important for finding this happiness. It is “a mature coping style that does not push love away.” I think it’s safe to…
